ModaTurismo

October Book Club Recommends "The Night She Disappeared"

#ReadWithMC (opens in new tab)-Welcome to Marie Claire's Virtual Book Club. It is a pleasure to meet you, and for the month of October we will be reading "The Night She Disappeared" (opens in a new tab) by Lisa Jewell. This is a thriller about the disappearance of a 19-year-old mother, Tallulah, who never returns home after a night out. Read an excerpt from the novel and learn how to join our virtual book club here (opens in a new tab). (You really don't have to get off the couch, just click here).

June 2017

The baby began to gag. Kim sits still in her chair and holds her breath. It took all night to get her to sleep. It's Friday, a muggy midsummer night, and normally she would be out with friends at this hour; at eleven o'clock, she would be at the bar having one last drink. But tonight she was dressed in jogger shorts and a T-shirt, her dark hair pulled back in a bun, contacts out, glasses on, a tepid glass of wine on the coffee table that she had just poured herself. [She turns down the volume on the TV with the remote and listens again.

There was a very early, dry, ominous chirp of a cry. [Kim didn't like babies much. She liked her own children well enough, but found their early years trying and not to her sensibilities; from the first night her two children slept through the night, Kim came to place a very, perhaps disproportionately high value on not sleeping through the night. She had enough time and presence of mind to have another child or two when they were young. But she could not afford another sleepless night. For years, she guarded her sleep vigilantly with the help of eye masks, ear plugs, pillow spray, and a huge tub of melatonin that a friend brought back from the US.

And just 12 months ago, her teenage daughter Tallulah had a baby. And now Kim is a grandmother at 39, with another baby crying in her home.

Despite the fact that it happened almost a decade before she was ready, having a grandson was blessing after blessing. His name is Noah, and he has the same dark hair as Kim (Kim only likes dark-haired babies and is afraid of blonde babies). Noah's eyes flicker between brown and amber in the light, and he has solid legs and firm arms with rings of fat at the wrists. Noah is quick to smile and laugh, sometimes entertaining for half an hour at a time. Kim takes care of him while Tallulah is at college, and occasionally her stomach panics when she realizes he hasn't made a sound for several minutes. She rushes to the highchair, swing, or corner of the couch to make sure Noah is still alive, only to find him flipping through the pages of a cloth book, deep in thought.

Noah is a dreamy baby. But he doesn't like to sleep, and Kim realizes this is causing him dark stress.

Now Tallulah and Noah live here with Kim, along with Noah's father, Zach. Noah sleeps between them in Tallulah's double bed, and Kim wears earplugs and plays white noise on her smartphone, generally saving her from the cacophony of Noah's insomnia at night.

Tonight, however, Zach has taken Tallulah out for a "date night," which seems oddly middle-aged for two 19-year-olds. They went to a pub tonight where Kim would normally be sitting. She handed Zach a £20 bill on her way out and told him to have fun. They hadn't been out as a couple since before Noah was born. They broke up when Tallulah was pregnant, got back together about six months ago, and Zach vowed to be the best dad in the world. And so far, he has kept that promise. [Kim sighs and stands up.

As she does, her phone rings with a text message. She clicks on it and reads.

Mom, the college guys are here.

Just for an hour or so. Is that okay?

Is Noah okay?

Noah's fine. She's fine. Go have fun. Stay as long as you want. I love you. [Kim headed upstairs to Noah's crib. Her heart was heavy at the thought of another hour of rocking, soothing, sighing, and whispering in the dark while the moon hovered in the midsummer sky, still a thin sliver of daylight. But as she approaches him, the moonlight catches the curve of his cheek, hears his eyes light up at the sight of her, hears her gasp in relief that someone has come, sees his arms reach for her. [and her heart suddenly expands and contracts as she realizes that this child is a part of her, that she loves him, that he does not want his mother, that he is content to have her come to comfort him in the darkness of the night.

She takes Noah into the living room and sits him on her lap. Noah loves to push buttons, but Kim can see that Noah is tired of pushing buttons. He wants to sleep. As he gets heavier on her, she thinks she should put him back in his crib.

A few hours later, Kim awakens suddenly. The brief midsummer night is over, and the sky from her living room window glistens in the hot morning sun. She straightens her neck and feels every muscle screaming. Noah is still heavy with sleep and she gently adjusts him so he can reach his cell phone. It's 4:20 in the morning.

She feels a small irritation. She should have told Tallulah to stay up as late as she wanted, but this is crazy. She calls Tallulah's number and dials. It goes to voicemail, so she calls Zach's number and calls him. It goes to voicemail again.

She thinks maybe he came in at night and saw Noah sleeping on top of her and thought it would be nice to have the bed all to himself. He peeks at her through the living room door, takes off his shoes, tiptoes up the stairs, jumps into the empty bed with his arms and legs intertwined, and kisses her playfully and drunkenly.

Slowly, carefully, she pushes Noah into her and gets off the couch. She walks up the stairs to the door of Tallulah's room. The door was wide open, just as it had been when she had picked Noah up at eleven o'clock the night before. She gently laid Noah down in his crib, and miraculously he didn't move an inch. Then she sat down beside Tallulah's bed and called again.

Again it goes to voicemail. She calls Zach. It goes to voicemail. She continues this game of ping pong for another hour. The sun is up and it is morning, but too early to call anyone else. Kim makes coffee and eats a slice of the farmer's bread that Tallulah always buys for her on the weekends, with butter. Then she slathers it with honey from the beekeeper who sells it on her doorstep and waits patiently for the day to begin.

If you like audio, listen to the following excerpt.

.