A little over a year ago, Tanya Pushkin left a 20-year career in New York City doing PR and corporate philanthropy for beauty brands such as Clarins, L'Oreal, and Sephora to become a freelance "bow whisperer" for brides and grooms and wedding parties, saying vows, giving toasts, and conducting wedding He transitioned to working in ceremonies. One might think that business has been slow since the pandemic began, but in fact, she is busier than ever.

Marie Claire: How did this career pivot happen?

Tanya Pushkin: I got married for the second time in 2019. The New York Times covered our wedding (opens in new tab). My husband and I wrote our own vows and our daughter officiated. After it was over, a reporter came up to me and said, "I've covered hundreds and thousands of weddings and I've never seen a more beautiful ceremony." That's when I decided to become a "vow whisperer" (opens in new tab). I like to say, "I've married a lot of people, but it's not what you think it is."

MC: How's your new job?

TP: I was scared to leave a big company and start a niche business. It's hard because I have no competition. It's even harder because no one knows that I have a vow writing service, so I have to constantly reinvent myself. On the other hand, as an officiant, I have a lot of competition. But people are finding me.

MC: How are weddings different during the pandemic?

TP: People are saying, "Hi, will you marry me next Tuesday under a tree in Central Park?" Even if it is a small, small, small ceremony. Obviously, not much money is spent on these small weddings, and the focus is more on words. The spoken word is the focus, and that is a beautiful thing. Not the dress, not the appetizers, not the cake. But when you get down to it, even in a big wedding, it is this 30-minute ceremony that people love and that is why people are there.

MC: What is it like working with a couple on their vows and ceremony?

TP: The vow ceremony is really intense. It's like getting married to a friend because you get to know the two of you so well. It's like a Make-A-Wish, but for someone who is terminally ill and has always dreamed of a great wedding. I work with the couple individually. I want each of their vows to be top secret. I get to know them in a way that their children do not. I sound like a therapist, but I am not a therapist. And when I officiate, it is as if we are all family. That is the ideal scenario. Usually that doesn't happen. I usually say the vows and officiate. But if I also give the speeches and toasts, it becomes one-stop shopping.

MC: How do you go about getting married?

TP: I am registered with the state and legally ordained as a minister. When I officiate, I like to get to know the couple. I want to be able to talk about them in some special way. I will incorporate a lot of what they have told me about each other. If two people have different cultural backgrounds, we will also incorporate their family rituals and traditions. Personalize the ceremony as much as possible. Ask if they want a super-serious ceremony or a humorous one. It's a collaborative process, just like the vows.

MC: Last spring you offered to marry front-line workers and first responders, from pizza delivery men to doctors, for free on Instagram. What happened to that?

TP: We are working on several ceremonies. One of them (a woman who is a physician's assistant at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital in New York City) was on a rooftop in Brooklyn with a view of Manhattan and was really beautiful. First, the couple wanted me to zoom in and marry them. But I said. Let's do something fun outside. We had a great photographer, event space on the hotel terrace, food, and other services donated. This was for a woman who had COVID at the hospital where she works.

MC: Is this type of ceremony by donation any different from other weddings?

TP: None of the guests know that I made the donation. Therefore, it had nothing to do with the pandemic.

MC: Do you think this is the end of the extravagant, budget-busting ceremony?

TP: Maybe in two years we will go back to the usual wisdom that weddings are over-the-top. I follow the wedding planners who put on grand and spectacular weddings where people spend a million dollars. So it is hard to go from there to what we are facing now. After this, people may start having smaller weddings. I recently officiated a wedding that cost a fortune for only 10 guests. It was so spectacular and incredible. They had floral designers, people to create the dance floor, invitation designers, etc. Usually they charge a lot of money, but they all lowered their fees. It was very small, but it was over the top.

MC: How are couples coping with all the obstacles of COVID-19?

TP: If I were planning a wedding for 200 people and found out I could only invite 10, I would be very disappointed. But even if there were 5, 6, or 10 people, the feelings, emotions, and joy would still be the same. Unless we wait until the end of this year, or better yet, until 2022, people will have to adapt.

I think the happiness factor is still there. Even if a couple is super disappointed, even if they can't do anything fancy, love is not canceled. People are thinking: you don't have to invite everyone you've ever met. It means narrowing it down to the most important people in your life. I think people realize that they don't need everything else. We can do just as beautifully with less.